Wayfaring Stranger

Life Among the Eagles

2009-10-29T16:37:00.000-04:00

In Learning to Soar Avery T. Willis, Jr. and his grandson Matt Willis compare the transitions of life and the trials we encounter with eaglets and their growing patterns. This is an excellent book with many examples of how God uses trials to move us out of the patterns of life in which we so often tend to become stuck. The style of the book is very easy to read with Avery writing the main dialogue and Matt using examples from his experience as a young adult. Matt and Avery write well together taking their cues from each other and expanding on the topic in ways that broaden the scope of their readership and better define ways to live through trials. One of the features I especially like are the questions at the end of the chapters. They helped me to stop and consider what I had read and how it applied to my life. In Chapter two the authors include an excellent list of ways to discern whether God is stirring your nest. All in all this is a very encouraging and easy read. I would highly recommend this book to anyone who is experiencing trials of any kind.

Directing Spirituality

2008-09-12T13:29:00.002-04:00

I lost my Spiritual Director. This is a major change in my life. I've been with the same wonderful woman for three years but she changed jobs and moved away from my area. I miss her very much. In three years of sharing God and life events together on a very deep and personal level you become attached to each other in some very good ways.

This week I found a new Spiritual Director. She has a sweet, gentle spirit that permeates the space around her. I found I could share with her in the same way I could with my dear Sister Paula. It is interesting getting to know someone new but especially when that someone is a person who may be working with you and guiding you spiritually. You share on a deeper level than you would normally in a first meeting. There is a purpose to the meeting that usually isn't there in most introductions. It's too bad all Christians don't listen and share on the level we did at our meeting. There would be far fewer misunderstandings and hurt feelings if we did.

I have had time to mourn my loss and now I am eagerly looking forward to starting new and seeing myself and where I am spiritually through new, fresh eyes. I also think I will start looking at those I meet, whether old friends or new acquaintances, through new eyes of my own and start listening on a much deeper level than I often do. There are a lot of lost hurting people around me and I don't want to miss perhaps being that healing touch so desperately needed.

Long time

2008-09-09T13:59:00.002-04:00

It's been a long time since I've written. I could say it's been a long time since I've been able to write. Sometimes I hit long dry spells and this was definitely one of those. It has been growing in me for a few weeks now that I needed to start writing again. So here I am.

We are struggling with a difficult family issue right now so I am asking, no begging for prayers from anyone who comes across this blog. It's been so long since I've written that any regulars I may have had are long gone, I am sure. But if you venture here for some reason please pray for my family. We need it desperately.

I will do a better job of writing. I will probably change the look and maybe even the name of the blog in the near future. If you are still checking this, thanks for sticking around.

Michael Jackson when he was king of pop

2007-06-11T12:30:00.000-04:00

I found this on another blog and had to share it. I don't know what it was about this song but it's one of those things where I even remember where I was when I heard this for the first time. I just thought he was the cutest thing! Isn't it sad what we do to ourselves out of fear and pride. To see him now you would never know that this is the same person.

This just really brings the verse to mind that says we are like grass, here today and cut down and burned tomorrow. As hard as it is to grow older at times and to feel older at other times, that isn't what is important. What is important is how we are growing in Christ. It is him in us that makes us beautiful long after the world thinks us beautiful. Even though I work very hard to keep my skin healthy and as young as possible, it is Jesus I really want people to see in me. He is the only fountain of youth that really works. Now if I can just remember that! I hope you enjoy the musical memory. Then say a prayer for Michael and all of the lost souls out there searching in all the wrong places.

Something different

2007-06-11T12:26:00.001-04:00

I'm trying something different today. If it works. I'll comment on it later.

An interesting article on Atheism

2007-04-16T19:49:00.000-04:00

I was leafing through the complimentary USA Today this afternoon in my hotel room just outside of Disney World, when I came across an article entitled Atheism isn't the final word, by Don Feder. It was an excellent article. I am quoting some of it here. Hopefully it can be found on the USA Today website under April 16.

Early in the article he listed several new books with eye catching titles such as Atheist Manifesto: The Case against Christianity, Judaism, and Islam and The God Delusion. However, what caught my eye after the title was the statement that the author welcomes the phenomenon of the influx of these books on atheism. He goes on to say, "Let the godless write their books and the faithful answer them."

He goes on to talk about how Christianity has outlasted the Soviet Union's attempts to destroy faith in any kind of God and China has a thriving house church movement in spite of their "war on God."

The real meat for me was in the following statement. "A universe that isn't God-centered becomes ego-centered. People come to see choices through the prism of self: what promotes the individuals well-being and happiness. Such a world view does not naturally lead to benevolence or self-sacrifice."

The buzz word for where we are in the 21st Century is post-Christianity. We are no longer the Christian nation we were meant to be. We've become so open we have let our Christianity drain right out of us and in it's place there are either religions foreign to many of us or atheism. We look at our nation's children and wonder what has happened to make them so angry and lost. Today another school shooting has terrorized and destroyed lives. We live in a lost society.

I am amazed at how angry and almost violent a person will get when traffic is not moving fast enough to suit them. I am amazed at how people would rather destroy long term relationships because they aren't getting their own way than make compromises to keep those friendships intact. I am saddened when I find myself falling into those thought patterns of what about me or what do I get out of this? I find myself at a loss as to how to deal with our young people who use their Ipods and mp3 players to mindlessly allow sexual lyrics, angry tirades and anti religion pour into their minds as they block out the rest of the world.

I am not one who thinks we should be out pushing for school prayer or forcing religion down other people's throats. I am one who believes that our world was much better off when we had the ten commandments in all of our community buildings and judges who believed they were good rules to live by.

As Christians many of us have sat idly by and let the atheists in our world spill their lies and half truths onto the pages of books that are on the New York Times best seller list. It is time. Time to get up out of our apathy and do something about restoring truth to our society.

Let the godless write their books--Are we the faithful going to answer them?

Spring has Sputtered!

2007-04-12T20:10:00.000-04:00

It is April. You would never guess it though looking out at the snowflakes and frozen tulips. It feels and looks more like February with flashes of shivering color here and there. Nature can be so cruel. I have a mother duck nesting in my flower bed who I am sure is wondering what on earth she's doing on a nest in midwinter! She is very diligently sitting and protecting her eggs, however.

It was so wonderful in January to have temps in the 70s and sunshine. Now I assume we are paying for it in spades! The only salvation for me is that we head out for Orlando, Florida on Sunday for four days in sunny Disney World. Well I'll be in the sun. My poor husband will be in meetings. There is such joy in working for yourself and being able to take random vacations--with your partner's blessing.

It was interesting on Easter Sunday. While there were a few spring colors, everyone was wrapped from head to toe in an effort to keep out the frigid cold. Easter egg hunts went amazingly fast and were finished inside with stiff fingers and blue lips.

God promised that the seasons would always change. Fall would follow summer, Winter would follow Fall and Spring would follow Winter. Every year it happens. The dead grass becomes rich green, the tree in the front yard explodes in white blooms and the tulips erupt from the ground and turn their pretty heads up to the sun.

It may be spring on the calendar but I have a feeling that this year it is going to feel like summer explodes out of winter and we'll just skip spring entirely. We do that sometimes here in Indiana. It also means it's going to be a really hot summer. Even so, it's really nice to know that God keeps his promises. I am so ready for spring. I guess I'll get mine in Florida this year.

Open minded or vacuous?

2007-03-30T12:46:00.000-04:00

On Friday mornings for the past four years I have met two of my closest friends at Starbucks. When I say morning I mean early, as in 5:30 am early, right as they unlock the door. They now make our drinks as we walk in the door. Not really but close enough. This time has become so precious to me. It is a time to talk, laugh, cry and study God's word with people I can be totally transparent with. That is such a blessing.

We have studied articles, books, workbooks and now we are listening to a cd collection. At least we were until today. I consider myself an open minded person. I try very hard to listen to the point of view of different people and then make up my mind about how true it is and whether that can be a part of my beliefs. For the most part this has served me very well and I have learned wonderful things from people. There are at times, however, people who open their mouths and immediately I know that what they have to say is not healthy for me to even listen to. Other times it takes me a while to figure it out. This is what has happened with the CDs we have been listening to.

The CDs are done by an Episcopalian priest who happens to be female. The idea was to see Jesus in a deeper way, in a different light so to speak. I'm all for seeing the familiar in ways that reignite the joy in the story. Unfortunately this priest has taken a little bit of truth and worked it together with her ideas of eastern mysticism to the point of being almost unidentifiable. Each lesson finds her mixing more and more mysticism in with less and less truth. Now I am one of those people who will watch a really bad movie all the way through in the hope that it will finally get better. So I listened each time to my lesson and worked to find the good in what she had to say. Today, one of my small coffee group stated she was taking a sabbatical from listening to the cds because she needed to refocus. Then another one of us made a few statements about how difficult the teachings were. Listening to them talk, it suddenly dawned on me that each time I sit to listen to the lesson of the week, I feel this feeling that I am not doing what I should be doing. The Spirit is telling me each time that this is not good for me to be listening to this woman. I know I am really slow sometimes. I felt it but had kept putting it aside in hopes of being open minded and learning something -- something from the lessons. Now it was very clear that this was the Spirit I am putting aside. So I said that to my friends and immediately we decided that since we were all getting the same feelings and thoughts that this should end right now. I am tempted to take the cds and break them in half just as a protective measure.

How open minded can we be before we become vacuous? How much information do we need to hear or read before we know this is not good information and I don't have to hear it in any way to make a healthy decision for myself? These are the questions on my mind today. I think that this will become a part of my petition to God that he give me the wisdom to recognize the Spirit moving in me to start or stop doing something. I've been asking for the wisdom to know what to do. Now I will ask for that same wisdom to know when to stop. For me that seems to be an important lesson.

Yes it took a while for us to finally come to the right conclusion about this study. I think that is okay, though because we've learned something about the Spirit in this process. I am so grateful for my friends and for our freedom to say, this doesn't feel right without being thought a bit strange. Instead we are all willing to believe that God is leading us and today gave us a strong lesson on the teaching of the Holy Spirit: one that we won't soon forget, I'm sure. We decided that we are going to go straight to scripture for a while and read the book of Luke. It will be a way to clear our palates after a very strong and unsavory experience.

God is so good! Today the three of us have been deeply blessed.

Ramblings from a sick-bed

2007-01-09T15:45:00.000-05:00

Well it finally hit at our house. The miserable stomach virus that is sweeping the country landed here last Thursday. Fortunately for me, I had a very mild version and spent the last four days feeling nauseous and not wanting to eat anything. Unfortunately for my poor husband, he got hit with it hard on Sunday and spent the last three days in bed or on the floor or couch or lounger--wherever his aching bones and joints would allow him to rest. He is just today beginning to think I'm trying to starve him to death with clear liquids and very thin chicken noodle soup.

I realized yesterday as we both sat in our robes watching TV that we have never in our married lives been ill at the same time. That actually isn't so bad since we are neither one whiny or overly dependent on each other at those times. Yesterday was just very quiet and as peaceful as possible when you feel crummy. Today I am thinking that it's okay on occasion to have days like that together. Then again, what would it be like if that was our future? Ooh.

Today I am feeling much more like myself and very hungry. This is a good thing. I am also a bit introspective. I haven't had much of a chance to look back at the last year and forward to this one. It is a ritual I have established over the last few years and this year I haven't done it yet. I have long since stopped making New Years resolutions because those last about a month and then I feel like a failure for the rest of the year. I just look back now to where I was last year and how I've grown as a person as well as in Jesus. It's so much more rewarding than looking back at all the ways I've failed myself, other people and God. I can't do anything about those failings now anyway. So I have learned to give myself a break and look at how I've grown, how I may be drifting in one area or another and what I would like to see when I look back next year. These things are things I have some control over but a lot of how I grow is done by God. These goals are goals I have made with Him knowing I can't do it without him. It makes it so much more pleasant to look at last year with Him and to talk about it with Him and discover how I can move forward and out of bad habits or poor ways of thinking and be more like him.

This year I would like to see a passion for the downtrodden grow in me. I would like to see me become more forgiving of those who I feel have failed me because they haven't lived up to the lofty post I may have assigned to them or they aren't meeting my idealogical view of how they should be or how they should do something. I would like to see my church family become the loving gentle group of people I know they can be and be able to see what my role might be in that transition. I would like to see more surprises in my life which means I will need to be watching expectantly over the next months.

I suppose some of my goals are a little overblown but it gives me something to reach for and something for God to surprise me with as he reaches down to meet me. It also takes away all my reasons for being depressed about life and gives me many more reasons for hope and for peace.

What are your rituals at the beginning of the new year?

Brotherly Love and Family

2006-12-06T14:21:00.000-05:00

It's been a long time since I've posted. A lot has happened in my life since July. I am now a full fledged homemaker after 10 1/2 years of full time work outside my home. I think it's a bigger job than the office was! It's also so much more satisfying. Anyway, I will work at keeping this blog up to date with my deep and very important thoughts (Ha!) and try to make it worth reading for anyone who happens to stumble in.

I've been thinking a lot about family. It is that time of year, of course. I'm spending more time with extended family and celebrating in ways that seem to change more and more often as the older ones are carried off to their new home in heaven and the younger ones are left to carry on. The only thing wrong with this whole idea is that I've suddenly filled in the place left by the older ones. That just feels all wrong and very weird!

Yet it isn't that family I am spending the most time thinking about. I am thinking a lot about my church family. I have been a member of this particular family, the local one, for 18 years. That's a long time. They took us in when we were transplanted here far from family and very lonely. They nurtured and grew me up in wonderful ways that I am so thankful for. I have a very deep and abiding love for these people. And yet....

People are leaving our family in droves. Not to go home to meet their heavenly Father but just because they are angry or hurt or whatever. Often they don't even bother to say goodbye. You just look up one day and realize they are gone. One very dear and precious man talked to me for a good while one Sunday morning and the next he was gone to be with another family. In all the time we talked, he never once said goodbye, I'll miss you, this isn't your fault or anything of the sort. He just left. It hurt. It's a lot like being in a family where the divorcing never ends.

So this is what I've been thinking about family. Do we have the right to just yank our ties away from a church family because we are mad or they don't do everything the way we want it done? Do we do that with our blood families? And actually that's an misnomer because church is blood family of the strongest kind--Jesus' blood.

In the midst of my wondering and concerns, our small group met last week to discuss what our group would look like after the beginning of the year when we are to begin fresh. The conversation was honest and gut level to the point where I was trembling inside by the time we were finished. When honesty is that deep and that open, it always makes me tremble. This time it was from excitement and relief. There are two elders in my group and they gave us the freedom to say what we were concerned about for our limping congregation and what we thought about why it was happening. We all realized that we were thinking the same positive things and that the negative fears that were gnawing at us were not so frightening as they'd been once they came out in the open. It was an uplifting evening of laughter, some misty eyes, and a lot of love for each other and this church. It gave me courage and strength to keep praying and hoping and watching for God to move in this place. It also made me trust the men over us even more.

Family. Aren't we so lucky that God put us in family as babies to grow and be nurtured and raised to follow him and then in family again to continue to grow and be nurtured and raised to follow him the rest of the way home. Again I ask, do we have the right to just yank our ties away from a church family. I wonder if those that do this type of church jumping won't have to answer to God for their actions one day. In the meantime. I am so glad I am in this place at this time. No it is not an easy place to be but it is an exciting place to be. I can see us one day reaching out to those in need in our city and becoming the beacon on the hill to Indianapolis' poor and hungry. That is worth hanging around to be a part of. I am truly blessed.

Mending Fences

2006-07-26T15:01:00.000-04:00

On Tuesday nights I am a participant in a Beth Moore study entitled Why Godly People Do Ungodly Things. I am one of those people who needs a Bible study that requires me to fill in blanks in order for me to have a focus. Beth Moore studies are one of my favorites. I am enjoying this one even more because we have the videos that go along with each week of homework. I have been to see Beth in person twice and it's just like watching her videos. She is one of the most personable speakers I've ever listened to. Better yet, she is not afraid to get straight to the heart of what is ailing you. She can bring me to tears and to my knees quicker than any preacher I've ever heard. Yet she is not accusing or condemning in any way.

That's why this is such a good study. She is talking about Godly people who have been spiritual and committed to their faith and suddenly find themselves looking up from the pit of sin. Her point is that this doesn't happen without warning. The problem is we don't usually see the warning flags because we either don't know what to look for or we think we've got everything under control.

I am hoping that somewhere in this study she talks about how to get yourself out of the pits when it comes and how to live after the fact. So far we have had to work through a lot of the emotions that come with difficult things in our lives. We've thought about times that we have been sabbatoged by Satan and how that felt. So far it hasn't been a feel good study but her studies usually aren't.

One of the things we are talking about is how to protect the fences around your heart and mind from Satan's attacks. She uses that temple and temple area as an example that proves that God thinks fences are a good thing because he used them to protect his people as they worshipped. She asks a lot of questions about our own personal fence and how often we check to make sure it is strong and safe. One of the ways to do that is to have an accountability partner.

The night we discussed this particular topic I was hit with this horrible sense of What did I do!!! regarding something that had happened earlier in the day. Now what I did wasn't a terrible thing to do and I didn't think anything of it. However, in that moment the Spirit convicted me and I went right home to tell my husband about the incident and make sure he knew all about what had happened. I realized that what had happened earlier that day had shown a weak spot in the fence around my heart. Believe me I do want very much to be aware of that weak spot and never again have that part of my fence collapse before Satan. So I told my husband--accountability partner number one. The next morning I confessed the same things and the reasons why I am concerned to my dear friend--accountability partner number two. Both were very good to listen, encourage and point me to how that can be a weak area as well as how to repair that part of my fence and their willingness to stand guard with me. For now I believe I have dodged that bullet.

This is only one example of the power of having an accountability partner or two or three. They make you confront yourself in hard ways that strip away the fake and reveal the true person. It's hard sometimes and scary and it makes you very humble to have to go to this person and confess what is on your heart. It makes you remember that you aren't in this by yourself and that you can't always handle everything and it isn't under control most of the time. I am so fortunate. I have a wonderful husband who I can talk to about anything. And I have two dear friends who know me for who I really am underneath the person I often pretend to be. Slowly but surely God is chipping away at the fake veneer to reveal me in wonderful ways. These people make this so much easier to deal with the discomfort and accept the results.

Today my fences are strong and sturdy. Tonight I will make that trip around my heart and mind with God and check for cracks or rot. It's a continuous effort but it's so worth it to have a strong fence and not be afraid of being overun by Satan's minions. I owe a great deal of thanks to my accountability partners. I also owe a great deal of thanks to Beth Moore! My life would probably be much different if I hadn't started working through her studies eight years ago. I know my life would be totally different if I hadn't found an accountability partner and learned to ask the hard questions and do the required heart work to build the fences I am now protecting.

If you don't have an accountabilty partner, I strongly encourage you to find one. It's scary and it can be difficult sometimes but it is so worth it. I also encourage you to be involved in intense Bible study on a regular basis. The two seem to go hand in hand in keeping our hearts whole and holy. This is a wonderful study but not one you can breeze through just filling in blanks. She makes you dig deep and bleed sometimes. Trust me, though, you'll come up feeling more free and safer than you have in a long time. Thanks Beth! As far as my accountability partners--you know who you are--Thank you for loving me so much that you won't let me stay in my messes.

The Times They Are A-Changing!

2006-07-18T12:03:00.000-04:00

Life has a way of quickly reminding you of how short it all is and what is really important after all. One minute you're doing your normal life stuff and the next, you're rushing to the bedside of your mom. Three weeks ago, we were called back to Michigan to be with my mother-in-law who was diagnosed with cancer. Four days later she was gone. While that sounds awfully fast, it was merciful and a blessing for a beautiful lady who has done more than her share of suffering for the last 17 years of her life. So this posting is in memory of the lovely lady who gave me my wonderful husband.

Grace Qualls was never happier than when she was in the kitchen cooking something for her four children, their spouses and children and her great grandchildren. She was the best cook on Champaign street and we all have our fond memories of the mustacholi (sorry, not sure how to spell that one!), stuffed cabbages or rice pudding. She made the best potato salad I have ever eaten. Needless to say we were never hungry or lacking for food. What we didn't eat, she packed up and sent home with us. She never cooked just enough, it was always way too much because she never wanted anyone to have to go without eating. She would cook up a huge pot full of chicken and rice soup and we would eat it then and for several days afterward. It was wonderful. If there was nothing else about her, we would miss her for her wonderful meals and the joy in her kitchen.

Grace was as generous with her wallet as she was with her food. She could see the pain in someone's eyes and was always ready to listen to the trials and tribulations of the people around her. If that person had any need of something, Grace was quick to help them get what they needed. She had a tender heart for people.

For the last six years or so, Grace has been pretty much limited to her home by her illnesses. Even before that her trips were short and local. Even so, she wasn't a lonely person. People sought her out and her home was always bustling with people and noise. The neighbors spent time with her and she was always there to listen to them and care for them in her special way. She was the hotline for the family. When someone couldn't reach one of the kids for one reason or another, we could always reach Grace and she knew where everyone was and when they would be back. She became the switchboard for everyone because we all knew she would be home. As a result she knew everything about everything. Now we don't know who we're going to call for our information.

While her death was a blessing to her, it leaves a us with a huge empty hole in our hearts and our lives. We did ask her questions and video tape her with her two sisters not long ago. It's a good thing we did. Now two of them have died within a month or so of each other but we do have the video and a lot of wonderful memories. Her two daughters will suffer a great deal because they were the most responsible for caring for their mother through her many illnesses. They were always there for Grace and called many times during the day. Picking up the phone will now leave a huge ache in their hearts. They will need prayers for comfort for quite a while. The two boys will also miss her and need prayer in the coming months as they think about calling and then realize once again their loss.

My heart aches as I think of the two tiny great granddaughters that will not get to know Grandma except through our stories and memories. The joy is that she lived a long loving life filled with grandchildren who do know her well and love her deeply.

Slowly the generation before me is leaving this earth. Only my mother remains of the parents on both sides. With each death my place in this life moves and changes. It won't be long before I am the elder generation and while at times that is a wonderful thought, the closer it gets the scarier it is. Dealing with my own mortality is becoming more than just a fleeting thought. I am so very grateful that I have a life that will go on for eternity and that I will one day just "move" into a different land and get to spend time with my dear mother-in-law and my sweet daddy talking about all the things they didn't get to experience before they left this earth.

Grace, I loved you and I will miss you so much! I'm thinking about going home and making some of your yummy potato salad!

Return from Oz

2006-06-21T16:30:00.000-04:00

Okay so I couldn't think of a better title! I am back and I have missed writing and reading comments. Thanks to everyone who visited whether you left a comment or not.

I am entering a rather scary time of life or at least I will on July 31st. I have submitted my resignation from my job of 10 1/2 years and will be retired. When I began working at my place of business way back in 1994, I never dreamed I would still be here in 2006. It was just a job to help get my girls through college and to help me deal with my older daughter leaving home for the first time. I moved around from department to department and even took a leave of absence for about a year before coming back to the familiar. Suddenly I was looking at ten years of employment and enough time to have my pension vested. I'm going to have a pension one day!! Wow! Anyway, I am more than ready to not have to drag myself in to a 9 to 5 job every single day of the year except for two weeks of vacation time.

Even so, there is this tinge of dread or something lurking around the edges of my brain that blooms into full fledged panic at times at the thought of being all by myself all day everyday. I haven't done this in a long time. Fortunately these are not frequent. Much more frequent are the dreams of what I can do now that I couldn't do before. For instance, I could do that volunteer program at the medical center that involves working with patients who are dealing with cancer or other serious diseases to help them emotionally. I would love that. I will now be available on occasion for those times when someone needs a ride to the doctor or to get their medicine. Both good things.

I plan to spend the day at Our Lady of Grace Monastery on the days that I meet with Sister Paula and just walk the labarynth or read or whatever the Spirit leads me to do. I will also have the time to do all of those Bible studies I have but haven't had time to work through.

My one problem here is the decrease in income that comes with a retirement. I've gotten very accustomed to the lifestyle I've lived for a while now, even though in the beginning I was not going to do that. With time came the entitlement. You know, I deserve to buy this for myself since I work so hard, etc, etc, etc. That's a great lie Satan has whispered many times into my ear and I've fallen hard for it. Now I have to come back around to living on what we make and being satisfied with what I have rather than what I want. It is actually very difficult to make the decisions of what you are going to let go of and what you really need. It isn't going to be easy even though I am very willing (in my lucid moments) to let go of wants and live more frugally. I will definitely need prayers for this. I want to be able to clearly see where I need to cut back and even how to cut back drastically. I may as well get it over with all at once than drag it out over the next few years until my husband retires and I have to cut back again.

So I am asking for prayers that I will learn to spend wisely, both in my time and in money. I want very much to be godly in my purchases and in what I do with the time he is giving me. I am excited to have the chance to do something different for a while. Of course, about the time I get my feet back under me and comfortable with my life again, my husband will retire and we'll go through it again. Isn't life grand!

Taking a short sabbatical/The DaVinci Code!

2006-05-17T14:30:00.000-04:00

While it may appear that I have already taken a short vacation from writing, this makes it official I suppose. I have minor elbow surgery on Friday and will not be able to type or move my arm/hand at all for a few weeks.

In the meantime, I have been thinking a lot about The Da Vinci Code movie that comes out on Friday, and exactly how I feel about all the hype and the lies. I read the book and for the first half I was furious. The last half I just let it all slide and enjoyed the book as fiction--total fiction. I've also read a lot of the pros and cons out there about seeing the movie. There was an article in "Christianity Today" about going to see another movie instead of the Code which discusses the idea of fleeing Satan rather than arguing with him. Honestly, I don't think this is Satanic work. It's a work of fiction. Then there are all of the articles about boycotting the film vs. using the movie to open discussion about Jesus with our neighbors and acquaintances. It has been a whirlwind of words and opinions over the last several months. I find it interesting that Christians have caused such a huge uproar over this movie which, by the way, creates a huge interest in anything. If you just let things come and see what happens there usually isn't such a to do about nothing. We should have learned that when The Passion of the Christ came out. That uproar was to our advantage. I'm not sure most would think this one is.

Yes I intend to see the movie. I want to see the movie since I read the book and I like the actors. I also think it is important to see the movie, especially now because my co-workers and neighbors will ask what I think. I believe it is better to be informed than to be sheltered. I have appreciated the articles that have told the truth about the issues in Burton's novel which are not accurate regarding Christian history. These have been most helpful because they have given me truth to share in place of the lies that people will hear.

My question is this: Are you going to see the movie? Why or why not? And please share your thoughts with me if you see it. I'd like to know what you think. Really, isn't it fantastic that we have this opportunity to talk about Jesus with our neighbors and co-workers? It's not even Easter or Christmas! How cool is that!

Thanks for reading. Thanks for responding. I'll be back as soon as I can.

Spiritual direction

2006-04-26T15:58:00.000-04:00

We had our silent retreat last weekend. As always the Benedict Inn in Beech Grove was wonderful and hospitable to us all. It's begun to feel kind of like a home away from home--very comfortable. During our retreat the last two years we have had the opportunity of speaking with a spiritual director. I've been lucky the last couple of years to meet with one twice each year. That is about to change.

The lady I talked with on Saturday was the sweetest, most gentle soul. She greeted me with a warm hug and treated me like her dearest friend. It was the first of what I expect to be many such meetings. She asked me about myself and then what brought me to seek out a spiritual director. And with a great deal of thoughtfulness I replied that I felt this emptiness inside me. Yep! I really gave her a lot to work with. But instead of rolling her eyes and saying well it was nice meeting you, come back when you have something to talk about, she smiled and said we would work on that and we did.

We began talking about prayer and how I feel so inadequate in that area of my life. As a result, I end up avoiding it altogether. I told her I was struggling with a friend and felt at a loss of how to deal with some things in that relationship. I told her my kids had moved and I felt such loss at their absence. Even though I am so grateful for instant messaging and cell phones that allow free long distance calling between members of families and I-Chat, none of that can take the place of long hugs and sweet sloppy granddaughter kisses and squeezes and just holding them and reading with them. The discussion finally came back to the lack of prayer and that the emptiness inside of me was a hunger for God that I have not been feeding. We talked about contemplative prayer or centering prayer. She talked about how she's been practicing contemplative prayer for 35 years and still struggles with it. She gave me wonderful ideas of how to control the crazy flying thoughts that often bombard me when I sit down to pray. She told me that if I fall asleep--as I often do--it's okay because I am still spending time with God and that's what is important. And she encouraged me to use my mornings to pray before I start my day.

By the time we ended our time together, I had begun to feel that hole start to fill up a little bit. I started to feel a lot less strained around the edges. I left feeling encouraged and with my sense of purpose intact once again. I have practiced prayer this week. Not as often as I want to but I figure it is a start and apparently that's why it's called practice because I don't have it down pat. I also had made a decision to stick with this spiritual director. We clicked somehow and I felt like we could have a relationship I could trust. She also encouraged me to consider becoming a spiritual director. She said I have the qualities that make one a good spiritual director. That in itself thrilled me to my toes because I have wanted to do that for a long time. I hope that in the process of being directed, I may be allowed to learn to turn around and be a director to someone else. Isn't that the way it's supposed to be? Older women, teaching/guiding the younger women? I think it is a worthy goal. That emptiness I have been feeling may be filled with so much more than I expected by the God whose presence I crave more than ever.

Change of life

2006-03-27T13:18:00.000-05:00

If you've read any of my submissions to this blog, you have the general idea that I struggle with change. I must say that I am so much better than I once was but it can still sideline me for a while if I'm not careful.

Along that line, I need to write about the changes happening in my life. I am very grateful that I've had a reprive since my daughter and her family moved to Texas. There hasn't been much change since then. Or maybe there just hasn't been one that's been as tough to handle since then. We are still working through that one.

I have been working at my job for 10 years now. Shocks me every time I write, hear or think that number! I started working when my older daughter started college as a way to deal with that huge change and to help with the tuition costs. The plan was to work until both girls were through college. Well my second daughter graduated several years ago and somehow I am still here. This has actually turned out to be a good thing because shock of all surprises--I'm now eligible for a pension! Whoopee!

Okay so now I want to retire and that's where the change talk comes in. I want to not work here anymore. That's not even an issue, it's a given. I've wanted to not work here anymore for the last five years. But one thing always led to another and I would stay a little longer. Now I can retire and of all things that thought makes me very nervous. What am I going to do? After all this time can we actually live on one income and that soon to be a retirement income? I'm not one to sit at home doing nothing so I need to plan something to look forward to. One thing I thought was going to work out for me and give me spending money isn't so I need to find something else. These are the things that are spooling through my thoughts these days.

Now here is the interesting rub about all of this. My job has gotten somewhat better. I enjoy it more days than not. I've always enjoyed working with students and tend to get to know some of them well each year. I dread not being able to see these students that I've watched grow and learn and move on as adults. Even though I am looking forward to my days at home I am also very sad about leaving these people that I've grown fond of.

Moving on is just a hard thing to do. It is a part of the rythm of my life. I assume it is for everyone else too. Some of the changes are wonderful and I look forward to them and great them eagerly but others are just very hard and have a lot of emotions attached. I suppose spending ten years in a place would naturally make that place hard to leave no matter how you feel about it on really bad days.

Thinking about this makes me think about Jesus coming here from paradise and living on earth as a human for 33 years. Don't you know he had to be eager to get back "home" as soon as possible, yet he had close friends that he loved here. That must have been a very bitter sweet time in his life and that's not even including the horrible way he had to die to accomplish his purposes here.

I've come to realize that with every change there comes a letting go and saying goodbye. I'm learning to do that better as I grow older; probably because I'm getting more and more practice at saying goodbye to things and people as I age. I've even learned to say goodbye to body parts before surgery and to the field that used to be behind our house as it now fills with very huge ugly houses (haven't quite let that one go yet). A very wise man once told me that in order to accept new things you must say goodbye to the old things. It's something I am making a conscious effort to do now. And I find that letting go is getting a little bit easier. In some ways, it's the letting go that makes the acceptance of something new that much sweeter.

I'm looking for a new something to look forward to as I say goodbye to people I've worked with and places where I have spent a lot of time. I look forward to being more available to help at church when the need arises and I'm thinking about looking into working some with organizations that help young pregnant girls make better decisions about their babies or homeless people find affordable housing and/or jobs. These are things that are close to my heart. I am thinking that perhaps these types of things will make saying goodbye to my job easier. If anyone out there has a suggestion, I'm open to new (or old) ideas.

New Life -- Now and Later

2006-03-15T16:55:00.000-05:00

My daughter and her two little girls came to visit for 12 days. They left on Tuesday morning. It was a wonderful, exciting time for us and for Kyra who is 3 1/2 years old. She was very excited to get to play in her little kitchen and read all the books her Nana has collected for her (and continues to collect even though they are so far away!). My daughter ran us half to death trying to see all her friends and the other side of her family while she was here. I remember doing the same things when we first moved to Indiana from Michigan 18 years ago. Sadly, friends went by the wayside as family became more important in our infrequent and short trips back. It's a hard truth it seems that comes with moving. It's the rare friendship that can survive a move. Maybe I am just jaded by frequent moves and lost friendships. It does seem to be a truth for me but, I digress...

Kyra now has a little sister named Siana who is three months old. She is precious and though she looks somewhat like her big sister, she looks more like her Daddy than Kyra does. She has darker hair and skin than Kyra who is very Scandinavian looking, and the jury is still out as to what color her eyes will be in the end. I'm guessing brown or hazel. I find it is absolutely amazing how even though this child has only been experiencing life outside for three months she already has this adorable and opinionated little personality. She lets you know when she is angry and when she is hurt. She laughs this deep little belly laugh and smiles huge toothless grins when she catches her mommy's eye. And she talks a blue streak. There is nothing like those sweet coos and sounds babies make as they learn language and how to make their voice work. She watches our mouths and works her little mouth and tongue in an effort to creat words. Her entire little body gets involved too. Her arms work and her legs kick and she twists and arches her back and suddenly this soft sound emits from her and she sighs and relaxes. It's amazing to watch.

I know we did the same things with Kyra when she was a newborn. I know we marveled and wondered at her every move and expression. The joy of new babies is that they remind us how wonderful God's world really is and what an amazing gift new life is. As a grandparent it also is such a joy to be able to stand back and watch my daughter learn and love and care for her own children. On one hand I can't even believe she's old enough to have two daughters of her own but on the other I feel very blessed to be able to watch her and enjoy her enjoying her children. She's a wonderful mother and she is married to a man who is a wonderful daddy.

As harsh as the world is and as frightening as it can be and actually is at this time in our history, it's such a blessing to be able to sit back and watch new life and new families going on with their lives just like people have since the beginning of time. It's what makes life worth living at all. That and that faith that Jesus will one day come back to take us all home where we will all be new lives and learning how to speak that new spirit language with our new mouths and voices.

How exciting is that!!!

A Spirit of Diversity

2006-02-27T13:47:00.000-05:00

This weekend we had Brother J.C. Thomas and his lovely wife Glenda with us from Rochester College in Rochester Hills, Michigan to talk about diversity and how that looks in a Church of Christ. It was a wonderful weekend of meetings with various churches in the Indianapolis area as well as breakfasts, lunches and dinners. We were blessed to have them in our home along with eight other couples on Saturday evening. The conversations were wonderful as we talked about how diversity is not just about black and white but about Hispanic and Asian and so much more. We talked about how we are almost all on the South Beach Diet and how much sense it made and we laughed together as we shared our human foibles. It was a wonderful evening and I feel as though I met a new brother and sister I didn't know I had.

Sunday morning, Brother J.C. spoke at the morning service and then at 3:00 pm we gathered with church members from all over town to sing our hearts out and hear another wonderful talk by Brother J.C. Our usual fairly pale gathering was filled with color as we praised God in various ways that made us all move closer in mind and in heart. We were encouraged to remember that the Bible doesn't talk about blacks and whites. It talks about Jews and Gentiles. If we aren't Jews then we are Gentiles, no matter what color we are. And to top it all off, unlike the Jews who were born into being God's chosen people, we were grafted in. So who are we to say we're better than the next graft! It was just wonderful fellowship and praise all day long. Afterwards I walked through the aisles greeting our visitors and I have never been hugged so much or so enthusiastically by more people than I was yesterday. I absolutely loved it! My church family needs to learn how to hug from these wonderful brothers and sisters!

We went to the mountain this weekend. We climbed high and drank deeply of God's wonderful and amazing grace. Now what? Our leaders and the leaders of the other congregations have covenanted together to meet monthly and work toward a more blended way of thinking about worship. I am so excited to see where this will take us and to have more interaction with the various church families I don't get to worship with very often. I pray that we learn about each other and begin using our special gifts to reach out to all of Indianapolis on a more united front. I believe God will bless us abundantly if we follow through with this dream. One thing is for certain. I can hardly wait to get to heaven and get to singing with all the saints. It is going to be a concert to die for!!!

The Price of Aging or Faulty Genes

2006-02-17T14:01:00.000-05:00

A couple of years ago I was having trouble hearing people so I went to an ENT specialist for a hearing test and exam. It was almost a relief to learn that I suffer from hearing loss. The doctor assured me it was nothing I had done--as in playing music that rattled the car windows or running a jack hammer. It is genetic. My dad had the same problem as did his dad before him. I do pretty well in quiet rooms or on the phone in a quiet area. But put me in a room with a lot of people talking or music playing in the background and my hearing is literally useless. After a while I would be embarrassed to say "what" one more time so I would just sit back and try harder, like that would make my hearing come back!! The doctor told me to be sure to let people know that I had a hearing problem and that they need to speak clearly and look at me. I discovered that I can actually read lips. When people are looking at me while they speak, I can usually "hear" what they are saying well enough to be a part of the conversation. I have quickly adjusted to my slight disability quite well.

My hearing is similar when it comes to hearing God. In quiet places I can hear God. His voice comes easily and freely to me and there is communion between us. When I am in those areas where I am surrounded by the noise of the TV, Radio or lots of people, the voice I want most to hear is the one I can't hear at all anymore. I know it's there but it is masked by all the sounds that vie for my attention. Now I don't have a choice with the hearing loss I suffer. It was something that came with my brown eyes and natural curly hair. However, I do have a choice of whether or not I am able to hear God. Tonight I think I will turn off the radio in the car on the way home and share my day with God. It's nice to know my communication with Him is not dependent on my genetics.

The man/woman debate rages on!

2006-02-15T14:27:00.000-05:00

I was reading Mike Cope's blog today and came across a blogger who had a link to a blogger, etc., etc. Anyway, the topic was the struggle with the role of men and women in worship. I am including a link to the site I landed on and enjoyed reading. She has a lot of really good things to say to add to this discussion as well as the ongoing discussion at the end of her blog. There is a great deal of kindness and gentleness here that may be missing from many of these discussions elsewhere. This is just proof that it is possible to have completely different opinions on a subject but are able to continue the discusion in a loving manner without chewing each other up and spitting them out in disgust. I hope you enjoy this.

http://rudetruth.blogspot.com/2006/01/imago-dei-imago-christi.html

Sunshine or Fog?

2006-02-03T11:34:00.000-05:00

I will be so glad when the sun is shining (where I can see it) again. For some reason this winter has just been such a dreary one even though it’s been wonderfully pleasant in so many other aspects. For example, it hasn’t really snowed much since December and the temperature has been in the high forties, low fifties more days than not. Even though I am a Texas-born girl, I was raised primarily in the north so icy cold and snowy winters have been the rule of thumb for most of my life. I wonder if this change has something to do with the dreariness. At least with snow it seems brighter even when the sun doesn't shine.

I think it’s the same with my spiritual life. I go through warm close periods of time with God and feel overwhelming love for him. During those times all I want to do is spend time worshipping and praising him. Then the dreariness hits from out of nowhere and I slog along in a thick fog wondering where I am and where He is and even more so How did I get to this place! I wonder if maybe it’s not easier in a sense to have those wonderful close times and then have those hard, painful “winters” where everything seems frozen and barren. I know where I am at those times. I know I am in a learning period and even though it hurts and I struggle to get through, I know God is there. I can feel him there. I know he will bring me to a new level of understanding in some area of my life. Perhaps I am a black and white person to some extent. Give me the warm summer days or the icy cold winters. Give me the deep filling relationship or the frozen barren struggles. But please hold the dreariness and drabness that comes with gray days and with that lost feeling of wandering in a fog and wondering.

Object lessons that hit you upside the head!

2006-01-23T16:46:00.000-05:00

I've been struggling over the past few weeks with what I called pride issues a week ago. Then sometime during the week following that declaration, in my study time I came across an article written by Selwyn Hughes that talked about how we suffer from the sin of demandingness. That was object lesson number one. I spent the rest of the week reeling from this realization that yes indeed I am demanding and I don't like that one bit. So I shared this discovery with one of my trusted elders and we talked about that for a bit. I told him I am trying hard to change that about myself. He immediately turned toward me and said he had a teachable moment for me. I should have ducked. He asked me to "try" to pick up a pen on the table. Okay. Well no matter how I picked that pen up, it was the wrong way. I was about to say there is no way I can pick this up when he stopped me and told me that if I keep trying to do something, it will never happen. That's what happens when we "try" to go on a diet. You either do or you don't. Then he put his hand on the table just a little space away from the pen and said when we go as far as we can, that's when God puts his hand over ours and moves us the rest of the way. That is how in our weakness, he makes us strong. He put his other hand down on the hand on the table and moved it to pick up the pen. Object lesson number two.

Now I don't know about anybody else but when I get hit hard twice in the same week with object lessons, I decide it's something I am definitely supposed to be paying attention to. I also start thinking how I really would like to start making these amazing discoveries without having to be hit with a brick! But then again, I also know I would probably miss them entirely if there wasn't some pain involved. That seems to be the way I operate. I'm just very glad that God cares enough to know me and the ways I learn important lessons.

Texas, Again!

2006-01-11T12:09:00.000-05:00

My daughter and her family have moved to Amarillo, Texas. After all these years, we're suddenly back in a state I never wanted to be in again. Not that I am not a proud Texan. I really am. I'm thrilled that my new granddaughter is a born in Texas Texan. It's been a long time. I was the last in the family. It's just that I had to go to Texas every year for Christmas all the years I was growing up in the north. I thought when my grandparents died, my Christmas trips were finally a thing of the past. Then in September my kids moved to Amarillo and two days before Christmas found us driving the 16 hours to spend Christmas with them in Texas. It was such a sense of deja vu! In fact it was a little rough on me. After the first couple of days, though, I worked through the old memories while loving and cuddling on my new granddaughter and chasing her big sister all over the house amidst yelps and belly laughs. I've missed her terribly and now I miss them twice as much. It was so much fun to be together and to see Steven and Angela's new home. I'm very happy for them as Steven really likes Central and Angela loves her new house. They are finally able to settle down some and get to know people now that they are moved in and the baby is finally here. All these things are good. Even so, all this good is sitting on top of a lot of sadness and grief of being so far away from each other. Isn't it amazing how God has blessed us with so many good and perfect gifts from above to offset the sorrow and sadness of separation. I wonder if that isn't the same kind of thing that helps us in our separation from him. He continually blesses us every day with wonderful things to help us make it through our separation from him until that day when we will finally be together for eternity. I know I am thinking of whether it would be a good thing to move to Amarillo to be closer to my kids. At the same time it' s one of my yearly quests to do whatever it takes to move closer to my Jesus. It's an interesting parallel.

Kingdom Talk

2005-10-20T10:01:00.000-05:00

It seems that everywhere I turn these days there is the intense discussion of Kingdom, what it is, where it is and what does it mean. Our new minister is teaching a Wednesday evening Bible class on Kingdom and it has been a very interesting class. For one thing, he is not just lecturing and giving his opinion or his research on what Kingdom is. He is asking probing questions and making us think and wrestle it out between us then discussing what we talked about. I absolutely love this class!

One of the things that keeps coming up is that Kingdom is here now in one form but that it will be complete in Heaven. Another is that the church is not the kingdom. At least that's what I think he's been saying. When we went to the Zoe worship conference in Nashville a few weeks ago, the topic of one section was kingdom and what I've been hearing was reinforced by the speakers there.

So I thought I would put this out here and if anyone is interested, send comments and let me know what you think.

Does Jesus Care

2005-10-12T11:29:00.000-05:00

Interesting title, isn't it? Great song title too. Of course he does, right? But when it comes right down to it, when I'm in the midst of turmoil everywhere I turn, is my answer the same? I've had a tough few months. Not Katrina by any means but in my little world it's a big deal. And in the light of the recent earthquake and 20,000 more dead I feel a little guilty for even thinking about my piddly little issues. But more about that later.

My daughter, son-in-law and granddaughter moved to Texas two weeks ago. Thankfully, they moved to Amarillo in the Panhandle but from Indiana it's still a long way away. They talked about this major life change for several months before it happened and we prayed for it a long time. And there is the rub. I prayed dilligently about this move. I told God all the reasons they shouldn't go and all the things I felt about living so far from my grandchildren (a new one is due in December). But at the end of all of my prayers I prayed his will be done and please give me the strength to deal with it. And it happened anyway. And I am trying to deal with it.

Over the weekend I went to the Zoe Conference and met my daughter and her family there. We had four wonderful days together and I grew more and more tense as the time rushed on. I had an opportunity to spend an hour with a spiritual director on Saturday. I went in with an idea of what I needed to talk about and eager to hear what he had to say. Not far into the time with him, he caught an off handed remark I made and turned the entire time on it's head. I cried the rest of the time and talked about God and prayer and from the depths of my hurt and my heart I heard these words come out of my mouth. "I feel like maybe God isn't really even there." I sat there in stunned silence for a few moments just letting that sink in.

I grew up moving. Every three years we moved and every time it was long distances--Texas to Washington State, Texas to northern Minnesota, etc. We left my grandparents when I was 5 days old and came back when I was five years old. At the age of 10 we left my grandparents for good. What I know about my family is very sparse and what they know about me is probably even less than that. Then when I was grown with children of my own, we moved our children away from their grandparents due to a job change. I have a strong distaste toward even the idea of moving. Yes, there are many ways I see how God worked in my life in each of the places we have lived. I am much closer to God now than I was before I came to Indiana. I know all of the positives. I feel the negatives. What is it about my family that we have to be separated from each other? I don't think my husband would have ever had to leave his family if he hadn't been married to me. It's a curse on my family. Now that is an exaggeration. But that's been the depth of my despair these last few weeks as we awaited this latest move.

So as I sat there with the Spiritual Director, it seemed that just saying out loud what my heart has been fearing broke through the tightening web of pain. The rest of the day I received affirming love from God through other people, scripture and so many of the songs we sang. A few days ago I got a devotional thought that talked about whether God cares for us or not. Will God protect me? The author's point was that God is in the business of protecting our souls and glorifying himself through us. He never promised to protect my life or make me feel better. In fact, if you look at scripture, there was a lot of suffering that happened in the name of Jesus --including his own crucifixion. That has moved my thinking into an entirely new area. Picking up the cross and following Jesus isn't pleasant or comfortable or necessarily in the same town as the rest of your family. The point is that I keep walking and following and trusting. He'll take care of the rest. Yes he is there and he does care. He hurts deeply for the thousands misplaced by the two hurricanes that struck the south. He sees and feels the pain and fear of the huge earthquake that hit the Pakistan area over the weekend. At the same time, he sees, hears, and feels my pain and disappointment and questioning heart. I trust to him none of it is piddly.

Silent Retreats

2005-09-02T12:14:00.000-05:00

I have a confession to make as a Church of Christ Lifer (as my good friend calls us who were practically born in a church building). I have a fascination with the Catholic religion. I am sure it began way back in junior high when I had a huge crush on a priest. He was young and cute and very kind and I was devastated to learn they couldn't marry! My interest waned and my attitude toughened over the years. Five years ago I journeyed to a monastery in Southern Indiana for a three day silent retreat, all by myself. While I was there I immersed myself in readings by Henri Nouwen, worshipped with the community every morning at 5 am, 10 am, noon and in the evening at 5:00 pm. It was the most peaceful, hospitable three days! The Benedictine order devotes itself to being hospitable to those who venture into their midst. Even though I had never been there before, I felt completely comfortable and safe and very welcome. They were careful to show me where they were in their worship times, they sat with me and helped me learn how to navigate through the music and readings, they fed me good healthy meals and they let me talk or be silent. After three days, I went home in tears feeling I was leaving a very special place.

Since that trip, I have read many of Henri Nouwen's writings, I have asked questions of Catholic friends and learned a great deal about some of their practices and customs. I have also found a wonderful Monastery close by. Last year we planned a silent retreat for the ladies at our congregation and we took them to the Benedictine monastery on the southern edge of Indianapolis called The Benedict Inn. Again we were treated with great hospitality and kindness during our stay. That retreat lead to second retreat this year and a reservation for next year already on their books.

My interest has been picqued a great deal by my association with the sisters at the Benedict Inn and the priests at St. Meinrad. The richness of their worship and the musical practices are very different from mine. There is a formality that we don't have. There is a deep reverence for scripture that I have found missing in my congregation. At St. Meinrad, the singing is led by an all male choir divided in two sections facing each other. They chant the Psalms and echo each other. It echoes all through the church and is a most beautiful sound. It changed the way I read the book of Psalms all together. There is much ceremony in their worship and in their practice of communion which is a beautiful thing. It touched me very deeply and opened my heart wide to hear God's voice in a different way. It also opened my heart to hear my Catholic friends and acquaintances in a more loving way.

I am discovering that by becoming familiar with the traditions of others, others are more open to hearing about my relationship with God and how that looks in my life. I am finding that it is much easier to give my faith testimony in this way. I also find that the richness and beauty of the worship in the monasteries comes home with me and deepens my worship in my home church. Through my time spent in their worship and prayer times and soaking in the atmosphere of the community, I am finding myself more eager to be hospitable and to treat those I meet as I would treat Christ. I find myself doing menial work and doing it as a praise offering to God rather then grumbling about how much I hate that particular chore.

While I am very happy with my Church of Christ background and fellowship, I am also eager to add to my traditions some of the richness, beauty and reverence for scripture that I have found in the Monastery. I expect that this will deepen my relationship and experience of my faith in wonderful ways. I can't wait to see what God has in store for me.

Earthen Vessels

2005-03-24T11:37:00.000-05:00

I apologize to any hardy readers of this blog in advance for all of the health related posts that will most likely be seen on this site in the near future. As I said last time, I am looking forward to major surgery and unfortunately, I write about what's most pressing on my mind. Lucky you!

I titled this Earthen Vessels because of the fragility of life and at this point in my life, of modesty. All my childhood I was trained to be a modest person; no short shirts, no shorts, no two piece bathing suits, close the bathroom door, etc. When I entered junior high and had to take gym classes it turned me wrong side out when they forced us to take showers. I learned how to keep my clothes on even there. I still have nightmares about public showers and gym classes--very traumatic! The amazing thing about all of this training is once it's engrained in a young mind, the world spends the rest of that person's life beating it out. Take childbirth for instance. There is absolutely no privacy for anything in a hospital when in labor. There were people running in and out of my room all night long--strangers I might add--checking my progress, patting my leg and leaving me to continue my work. And then there was the actual delivery. I have no idea how many people were in that room yelling for me to push and waiting to catch the baby. I must say, that went a long way toward knocking out my sense of modesty! After childbirth comes the many years of child rearing. What is it about a closed bathroom door that sets off the alarm in a child's head? It never failed when I'd quietly close that door for a moment to myself both kids were immediately stationed outside knocking and wailing that the world was absolutely ending if I didn't come right now or let them in!

Now that I am a member of the "older" generation, modesty is just automatically assumed to be unneccesary. Take my doctor's office for example. First thing they say to you anymore is "undress." My question is what ever happened to those wonderful little (and I do mean little) cotton gowns that were open down the back but at least covered most of you? Now you're lucky to get a so called sheet to cover up with. It's more like a large square of toilet paper and covers just about as much.

In preparation for my surgery, my doctor is performing tests to determine the extent of said surgery. This particular test was supposed to be a run of the mill test and I was not to worry, the doctor said as he scheduled it a week ago for yesterday. Late last week, I got a call telling me what they wanted me to do before the test and in the conversation I discovered that they had never done this test with this particular machine before. Okay...but I was told to not worry, again. I was lucky because the technician would be doing the test since she was "showing them" how to do it. My ears immediately clamped down on the "them." Ha Ha Ha just the doctors and nurses and you know...

In the end, my test was done by my doctor with the technician standing over his shoulder, my doctor's nurse, another doctor from down the hall, and best of all the salesman of the machine they were testing. And you know what, I found myself to be quite at ease with a room full of strangers as I rested there in my large square of toilet paper.

I have to congratulate the medical community. They've done what my physical education teachers and kids were unable to do. I no longer have a need for modesty. This earthen vessel has lost it's newly cast sheen and gloss and shows many scuff marks and cracks and scrapes of years of use and abuse by it's owner and by life in general. I am quickly beginning to understand why it is that the workers in nursing homes have such a difficult time keeping the sweet little old people from stripping off their clothes and running around naked. When you are at last being totally cared for by medical personnel, what is the point in putting on clothing? They are probably hunting for that large square of toilet paper with which to cover up .

Spring At Last

2005-03-21T16:11:00.000-05:00

I'm not feeling particularly introspective today so I decided to just throw out a few things. Bear with me. Hopefully it will actually turn into something worth reading on a sunny Monday.

I've been struggling with my health lately. On the one hand, it's depressing and discouraging and makes me feel my age, which I do not like at all. On the other hand, it has made me appreciate the fact that I have been very healthy for the last two years. This two year hiatus in poor health followed a very long drawn out period of time which included two surgeries (one serious) and a bout with extreme lower back pain. So on this hand, I am praising God for the two years of peace he has given me. Although this new issue includes dealing with more pain, for the most part, I feel good. This is another blessing for which I am praising God . This pain does not limit my ability to climb stairs or walk down the street which my back pain did. If you've never had a sudden loss of mobility in one leg or both, you will never understand the joy I feel to this day of climbing a set of stairs. I marvel at the way my leg functions the way it is supposed to function. I am thrilled to no end to be able to trust that when I place weight on that leg, it will hold me. There was a time when it wouldn't and I was not sure it ever would again. This is another blessing for which I am praising God. So in balancing the issue in both hands, I find that the other hand wins out and I can praise God for his overwhelming blessings which make that first hand easier to bear.

Last Friday night our care group got together with another care group to eat (of course) and play games. It was a wonderful night as we haven't been able to spend time with this group in a while. We were forced (just kidding Judy) into playing a game called the Ungame. Now if you haven't played this game, you really should give it a try. The idea is you draw five cards which cover five different aspects of life, from serious to silly. Complaining loudly all around, we began to play taking turns reading our card and then answering the questions. As much as we complained, everyone played in earnest answering truthfully and at times very deeply. One of the cards told the bearer to go to each person playing and say something encouraging to them. Whew! That card couldn't have been chosen by a better person. He got up from his chair, walked to each person and said something special and encouraging about everyone in the room. It was one of the most moving and encouraging things I've been involved with in months! Towards the end one of my cards made the statement that Jesus Christ died on the cross and rose again three days later. What does that mean to you? As Brandon Scott Thomas says--For the Love! I worried with that little card through the entire game. I still didn't have an answer when it came time for me to answer it. So I took a deep breath and slowly read it again and suddenly the words just came pouring out of my mouth. What it means to me is that I am saved. What that means to me is I don't have anything to be afraid of. What that means to me is that whether I am living here on this side or over on the other side, I am alive in Christ. Now I have to admit here that I have been quite fearful for the last week. I shared that fear with some close friends who will pray for me and who are encouraging me every chance they get. As I said these things, I looked into the eyes of one dear brother who is showering me with scripture and hugs and prayer through all of this. And you know, that fearfulness just died. I have been filled with a great and wonderful peace ever since that night. It was a wonderful way to remind me that Jesus has fought the battle against death and Satan for me. No matter whether I live or die, I live in him. For the first time, I think I am much closer to being able to say with Paul, "to live is Christ, to die is gain." Who would have ever thought a simple game of Ungame would be so encouraging? Judy, we gave you grief but I really am glad we played your game. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

The True Meaning of Submission to God

2005-03-16T14:14:00.000-05:00

Several months ago we were visiting at the North Central Church where my son-in-law is the worship minister. I love worshipping with my daughter and granddaughter with Steven leading. He has such a passion for what he does and is very talented. I always know I will have a wonderful, worshipful experience when we are able to attend there.

On this particular day a young woman went forward to be baptised. Now for those of us who have been members of a Church of Christ all our lives, this isn't an unusual event. It's always a meaningful and touching event but not unusual. I settled back as a visitor to be a witness to this wonderful act of accepting her new life as a follower of Jesus. As I watched the young woman and the minister take their places in the water, I realized that things were not "as usual" this time. As the minister began to talk about her and with her he revealed that this woman was terrified of water but she believed it was important to submit to God in baptism so she had made up her mind to go through with this. He said a short prayer over her and then they stood as she visibly struggled with her fear and the waist-deep water in which she was standing. As the minutes ticked by everyone in that auditorium tensed along with her and leaned toward her in silent affirmation and encouragement. She would relax for a moment and then stiffen again as he started to lay her back in the water and start shivering again. It was absolutely painful to watch. And yet it was such a beautiful picture of how we all struggle with total submission to God in our lives. How many times have I prayed that prayer of giving my life to him completely only to stiffen and resist the moment he begins to take me at my word? It is often an absolute struggle to let go and trust and believe that God knows exactly where he is taking me and he is in control and wants what is best for me. As I watched this precious young woman struggle and fight with this, tears began running down my face and I tell you when she finally surrendered and let go to be pushed beneath that water, everyone in that building erupted into applause and cries of joy. Other than my own children, it was the most moving baptism I have ever witnessed. Thanks to this young woman's brave struggle, a priceless picture is now etched into my memory to remind me that when I let go of my fear and skepticism and surrender, God will be right there to accept my offering. When I am allowing him to lead me and use me as he desires, I can be sure I will hear the explosion of applause and cries of joy from heaven. The smile on my face at that moment will be as broad as the smile on the face of that dear sister as she came up out of that water and wrapped her arms around that minister's neck in gratitude and joy. I never got a chance to meet her but she made a strong impression on me that day. God bless her as she continues her walk of faith and submission.

Practicing Lent

2005-02-21T16:34:00.000-05:00

This entire concept of practicing Lent is fairly new for me. My tradition doesn't observe Lent so I have spent the last three years learning the reasons and rules for observing the forty days before Easter. You may ask why. I am not really sure I can answer that. So I will share what I've experienced the last couple of years and perhaps the why will emerge.

One of the concepts of observing Lent is to give something up. Most of the people I have known throughout my life gave up candy or meat or something their parents forced them to give up. It was always a curiousity to me and as a child I was rather grateful not to have to abstain from candy for such a long time. Later on kids would come to school with marks on their foreheads and deep down there was this desire to have that kind of symbol too. I still did not understand the purpose for the ashes or giving up candy and meat. Flipping quickly through the years, about 3 years ago, my daughter was dating a young man who was Catholic and the issue of Lent came up again. So almost on a whim (but a very thoughtful whim) I decided to give up bread. It wasn't as difficult as I had thought it would be but I found that over the course of the 40+ days, the scriptures about Jesus being the bread of life and no man living by bread alone and many others came quickly to mind. I found I was thinking more about Jesus and what he had done for me. And by the time Easter rolled around, I was much more mindful of the crucifixion and resurrection than I had been in a while. And I was extremely grateful for bread when that bread basket came around during our Easter dinner!

Each Lenten season has brought more and more understanding of this practice of sacrifice. This year I decided that I would abstain from Chocolate. Now this was a very big decision because I am on a diet which limits just about everything else but allows chocolate. I had to think about this for a very long time. Finally, this year I am beginning to understand that this time is a time of looking deeply at my sins and seeing them for what they are--an abomination before my God. I understand the reason for the ashes and for the sacrifice of something I love. It is a time for mourning and praying for God to show me those sins I don't even recognize any longer or those that I may have hidden so deep I thought they were gone or even worse, those that I still hold onto and hope He doesn't notice. I am getting a very small taste of what it may have been like for David to put on sack cloth and pour ashes on his head, then to sit that way before God without food, praying for him to have mercy. I am seeing more clearly this year and the season of Lent is becoming very important to me.

I believe I will come out of this time of introspection and fasting in a different and hopefuly better place than where I started. Each year I have come out with something different but very worthwhile. I hope to pass this on to my friends and family. It's a good tradition followed for an express purpose of allowing God to speak to me about something in my heart or my life that needs to be changed in some way. It's a spring cleaning of sorts. As such it gives the resurrection a fresh, almost new and exciting anticipation. You know, I think I've actually answered the question of why.

Car Hunting

2005-01-24T12:49:00.000-05:00

I don't know about anyone else but hunting for a car is like pulling teeth for my family. We look and look then even when we've found something we like we still keep looking--at the overall cost, at the expected resale value, etc. This has created some tension in my home over the past several weeks. This morning after another failed attempt over the weekend to purchase a car I liked, I made a comment to my husband that has since caused me to start thinking more deeply than just choosing a car color. He was talking about how we have changed over the years from just being grateful that we have a car that gets us where we are going to having to have the biggest and best. My snappy response was I haven't changed. My thinking was that even way back then it wasn't that I was satisfied with just what I could get. It was just all I could get at the time and I looked forward to when I could choose what I wanted. So I haven't changed. In the hours that have passed since that remark, I have been convicted by my own words. What a sad statement about me if I haven't changed in 30 years! My sweet husband has always been so much better than I at keeping his wants from becoming his needs. To him a car is simply a way to get from point A to point B and it really doesn't matter to him what it is. To me a car is a reflection of who I am and while it's most important in getting me to those places I need to go, how I get there is a big deal. There in lies the root of our tension. Today as I consider my statement about not changing, I find myself looking once again to God to change me in my relationship to money and status and make me more humble as well as more grateful for what I have. I don't need the biggest and best SUV on the market nor do I need the best red car I can find. I just need something that will get me from point A to point B in a safe and timely manner. My prayer is that God will forgive me for my greed and bless me with a much gentler nature. I've heard that the first step to change is knowing there is a need. I am very grateful that the Spirit opened my ears to really "hear" the words that jumped out of my mouth this morning.

Just Thinking

2005-01-05T12:24:00.000-05:00

I am a devoted Lord of the Rings fan and spent parts of three days over the holiday watching the extended versions of all three movies. I got The Return of the King for Christmas and I just wasn't going to watch it until I had reviewed the other two installments. What a wonderful way to spend time! Peter Jackson has just made something that will last for many many years. And when it was over I was surprised to find the tears running down my face once again. There is just something about spending that much time with these characters and being drawn into their predicaments and their relationships that pulls me deep into the story. And I cry when Frodo says goodbye to Sam and they hug each other like the brothers they have become. And for a time afterward I have a deep sadness - a feeling of loss. I feel like I've left someone for whom I care a great deal.

I was particularly taken this time around with how seeing into the future affected the different characters. The Elves, Elrond and Galadriel, look and see only doom, defeat and darkness. Sauraman the wizard looks into the future and his mind bcomes twisted by the evil Sauron. Even Gandalf sees darkness in the future and feels despair. The one person who doesn't let the vision of the future change his vision is Aragorn. He sees a vision that would cut the heart out of him if he let it. He hears the evil voice of Sauron as he faces the black gates at the end telling him all is futile, all is lost. Everyone with him believes what they hear and their hearts fail. It is Aragorn who charges and cuts the head off of the messenger then turns and declares it all lies. He delivers the moving speech about having courage and that this is the time to be strong and fight. He is the one who charges first into the surrounding forces of evil. He gives the people hope in what seems to be a completely hopeless situation and they follow him. He is truly king material!

Isn't this just what Jesus did for us? He came into our world like anyone else. Then one day he stepped out and began untwisting Satan's lies. He touched people's hearts and bodies and souls healing them. He spoke truth into a world that had been filled with lies. He unburdened people weighed down by religious laws and regulations. He gave those people hope. He showed them the grace of God. He showed them God the father. He still is showing us God the father.

Like Sauron, Satan moves in our lives and in our thoughts to create visions of doom, defeat and darkness. He twists the thoughts of normal people and creates monstrous evil through them. Strong leaders of churches often see only darkness and feel despair. He takes truth and twists it to create doubt and fear within our hearts, just like Sauron did with Frodo's vest. He starts with what we know to be true and then begins to knead and twist it until it has a totally different shape all together. He destroys hope.

I find it interesting that in the movies, Sauron never has a body. It's just this pulsating firey eye that roams from side to side and burns into people's minds and hearts. Aragorn walks in and speaks truth that saves into those minds and hearts . Isn't it interesting that Satan has never been "seen" by anyone on this earth, yet he can steal our hope, peace, and our very souls. God himself chose to come down and become one of us so we could know him personally and feel his love for us. He visibly walked among us, touched us, spoke to us. He gives us peace, joy, healing, love and saves our souls. I don't need to see into the future because God came into my past and guaranteed the future for me. I'm looking forward to the day when we see Satan topple down, utterly destroyed and ineffective.

End of year musings

2004-12-27T14:35:00.000-05:00

It has become a yearly ritual for me. I spend the week between Christmas and New Years looking back over the past year reviewing what I've learned, how I've changed, and how God has moved in my life. I try to use this review to set goals, albeit rather loose goals, for the new year. I also use this time as a time of praise to God for the good days and the bad days and those days I just survived. I express my deep felt gratitude to him for the changes he has made in my heart and mind and ask him for wisdom in how to apply those changes next year. This ritual has changed a lot over the years. For many years of my life, I ended the year depressed and clueless about the next year. Somewhere along the line, probably one of those wonderful heart and mind changes God made, I decided to start looking for the good things in the year first and then remember the hard times. It makes the process more worthwhile. Keeping a journal has helped me to remember the blessings of the year and make it more likely that I will remember what good came from the difficult times. The Israelites were told on several occasions to place large stones at places where God wanted them to remember what happened and how he worked in their lives. For me, this end of year ritual has become the large stone I carefully place to remember what God has done in my life. I am amazed to discover that as the years go by, the older stones are becoming gold nuggets! How wonderful that God would bless my older years with gold from my past even as he is still working on my present and future! Glory be to God!

An interesting take on Jonah

2004-12-22T12:14:00.000-05:00

I read this today and am including it here in hopes that it will generate discussion. I receive the Experience Worship Weekly Newsletter which includes several different articles covering areas like sound, drama and worship articles. This is one of the worship articles and was written by John A. White. I like his take on Jonah and how Jonah displays characteristics we might have expected from the Ninevites and the sailors on whose ship he traveled while those people acted in the way we would have expected from Jonah. He ties this in with how well we as Christians are making the message of Christ heard during this Christmas season and whether our society is doing a better job of singing the praises of Santa Claus than we are of Jesus. Let me know what you think. It is a bit lengthy but a decent read.

Jonah’s Christmas - John A. White

Jonah is not about a prophet running from God, a city with 120,000 people or a big fish with acid reflux syndrome. This small book is a juxtaposition of behaviors with an ironic twist, of the behavior of God’s people against the behavior of those who don’t know God. Jonah is a condemnation of the ungodliness of God’s people.

We all know the story well enough but lets ask “Why?” For example:

• Why does Jonah run away from Nineveh? Because his heart was hardened and corrupted by a misunderstanding of what it meant to be “God’s people.” While God loved the world, Jonah didn’t; he was hardened to both the lost and to God’s sovereignty.
• Why do the sailors do everything they can to spare human life? Because unlike Jonah, who was more than willing to let the people of Nineveh perish in their ignorance, the sailors valued life and people; they despaired when they realize they would have to through Jonah into the sea carrying out God’s judgment on Jonah.
• Why was Jonah reluctant? Jonah didn’t consider the Ninevites worthy of his time even though God considered them. The sailors on the other hand, regard all humanity. Jonah’s religious pride blinded him to humanity.
• Why is Jonah angry that Nineveh repents and is saved from judgment? On that day heaven must have been having a huge party! No so with Jonah, he was “angry enough to die” because he thought that he had to share the eternal blessings of God with other people diluting the blessing for him and his people. Jonah had no concept of the abundance of heaven neither God’s love for all people.

In Jonah we see the ungodly (the sailors and Ninevites) behaving the way we would expect Jonah and Israel to behave; responding to God’s will. Counterpunctually, we see the Godly (Jonah) behaving the way we would expect the ungodly to; rejecting God’s will. How can this happen? I believe that Jonah unconsciously deified programs, statement’s of faith, personal creeds and other important points of his Godly identity and justify their shortfalls with a misunderstanding of God’s grace and love. In the same sense, we do the same as Jonah.

A wealthy church considered feeding the homeless and poor. After a lot of discussion, the ministry was abandon because it was said the church could not afford the insurance for the every day use of the kitchen. What is hidden in this story is the fact the Church had a secret sacred cow; no one said it but it was understood that financial responsibility was more important than the poor that Jesus’ command the church to care for. Shortly after, the couple that initiated the discussion left the church, went down the street and started the same ministry through another church; a church considered to be less spiritual. So how do you think our “spiritual” brothers and sisters responded? They criticized the success of the ministry and the growth of the church. In so doing, they proclaimed that Jonah lives.

So what does this have to do with Christmas and worship? First I believe that a Christians’ worship after-burners should be fired up during Christmas. To do this, we must things that douse the raging fire of worship… to strengthen the weak knees and make our worship lead straight to God. We should be asking some tough questions: Are we allowing, like Jonah did, my ritual and religion to protect me from sacrificial service (Rom 12:1-2)? Are the Christmas Carols we hear worshipping more then what we say to family, friends, and work and shopping mates (2 Cor 2:3)? Does the world proclaim the joy of Santa Clause more than we’ve proclaiming the joy of Christ’s birth (Luke 19:40)? Did we spend more money on Christmas presents than the yearly sum of joyful giving to our churches (Matt. 6:21)? Are people, who don’t know God, doing things that put our Christianity to shame (Matt 5:20)? If so, then our consciences, like Jonah’s, have been seared by misunderstanding God’s grace.

Second, we need to be responsive to God and strip away any part of Jonah that lives inside. Allow me to share with you my worship commitment to God during Christmas and I bet that you have some to share as well:

1. I will “greatly rejoice” (worship) in the costly gift of grace found in Jesus’ birth as the shepherds and wise men did upon their discovery, especially where it is demonstrated, even in the smallest ways, wherever I see it.
2. I will proclaim and testify of Christ’s birth louder than the world proclaims the good fortune of Santa Clause.
3. I will allow others to witness God’s love and grace through the time and attention I give them more than the presents I give. I will not expect an inanimate object to say what I need to say… “I love you.”
4. I will be courteous in the parking lot, streets and highways knowing that my destiny is greater than being two steps away from the mall or two seconds earlier to my destination
5. I will look for divine appointments where I can testify of divine love.
6. I will look for opportunities were I can carry on Jesus’ ministry of easing pain, comforting the afflicted, feeding and clothing the needy and so on with the hope that I might be acting Christ-like and give people the opportunity to witness authentic Christianity.
7. I will make love-giving to my family and friends unrestricted even at personal sacrifice with the hope that they will taste a bit of heaven on earth in the love that I freely and openly give.

In the end of Jonah, God says “shouldn’t I have pity on Nineveh.” I’m glad God had pity on Nineveh because that is where I used to live, at least until the day I accepted Christ. In fact, we all lived in Nineveh, a place where people could not tell their left hand from their right. Yet God revealed and gave Himself to us beginning with a promised child in a manger whom the angles proclaimed as “Christ the Lord.” I hear God still calling His people to Nineveh to proclaim God’s message of salvation. During Christmas, we have the opportunity to worship God in a way that speaks louder then grievous Christmas commercialism: “For unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given; and the government will be on upon His shoulders. And His name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace” (NKJ, Is 9:6).

Happy Birthday Jesus and Merry Christmas to the saints and all humankind.

Ho Ho Ho Bah Humbug

2004-12-16T15:30:00.000-05:00

I find it very interesting to watch human behavior during the Christmas holiday period. This period now runs from the first of November until New Years Day. For two solid months people are bombarded with commercials, music, guilt and greed all in the name of capitalism. Unfortunately, the intense emotions that accompany all of this are not limited to the malls or the parking lots. Even in the workplace people become shorter tempered, more suspiscious and, less likely to let things slide than any other time of year. For some reason today I am thinking and wondering about why this is.

What is it about Christmas that creates such anger and often leads to violence or self destruction during a time when we are looking forward to a celebration? The first thought I have is that it is due to the extreme expectations that people have about Christmas and I'm not just talking about children and Santa Claus. Isn't there that special Christmas in your memory that smells, tastes and looks like the ideal Christmas? It doesn't matter that memory distorts or inflates over time. We still work ourselves into the dirt to recreate that perfect Christmas from 19** and then suffer from disallusionment and depression because we can't get it back. Makes me wonder which family Christmas will be the one to haunt my children in the years to come.

The story of a very depressed Elijah the prophet comes to mind. In this part of the story, Elijah is depressed and afraid and wanting to die. He has run from victory and celebration on one mountain to depressed,afraid and wanting to die on another mountain. He ends up in a cave where God tells him to go stand in the entance to the cave and wait for him. There in the entrance Elijah hears a fierce wind and loud thunder but God is not in the noise. Finally he hears the voice of God in a gentle whisper telling him to go back to work, giving him an assistant to help him in his work and sending him on his way.

In the noise, rushing and busyness of the next few weeks, I will be much more purposeful and peaceful as long as I step out of my busyness into the quiet and listen to the gentle whisper of God reminding me of who he is, of who I am and what I am here for. Then I will be ready to step back into the hustle and bustle of holiday preparations with a renewed spirit and the desire to center our celebration on what Jesus has done for us and glorifying him rather than how much we can buy, bake or decorate. Isn't that really what Christmas is about.

Monday musings

2004-12-13T16:40:00.000-05:00

It's snowing today. For the first time I finally feel like it is almost Christmas. Even after putting up the tree and decorating the house it still takes some snow for me to feel it's coming. We've begun the holiday parties and the gift wrapping and I am already feeling the tension that comes with all the rushing around of this particular holiday. If you think about it, Christmas seems to be the only holiday that does this to us. We rush and run and hurry about until it's finally Christmas day and we're so exhausted we spend the day complaining, depressed and crying or sacked out on the couch. Somehow I just don't think this is what it was meant to be. What if for one season I don't make all the cookies and special breads? What if I do all my shopping on line and never once fight the crowds at the mall? What if I am more selective in the parties I attend? What if, instead, I actually sit down once a day and actually read the Christmas story? Will it make a difference in my Christmas season? I do believe it will. I trust that if I will take time out to be quiet during these beautiful snowy days to read about Jesus and to really listen and hear the beautiful story in the lyrics to the wonderful music about him, God will bless me with more peace, more joy and more love for those who will be at my house on Christmas. And really...isn't that what it's all about?