Wayfaring Stranger

Change of life

If you've read any of my submissions to this blog, you have the general idea that I struggle with change. I must say that I am so much better than I once was but it can still sideline me for a while if I'm not careful.

Along that line, I need to write about the changes happening in my life. I am very grateful that I've had a reprive since my daughter and her family moved to Texas. There hasn't been much change since then. Or maybe there just hasn't been one that's been as tough to handle since then. We are still working through that one.

I have been working at my job for 10 years now. Shocks me every time I write, hear or think that number! I started working when my older daughter started college as a way to deal with that huge change and to help with the tuition costs. The plan was to work until both girls were through college. Well my second daughter graduated several years ago and somehow I am still here. This has actually turned out to be a good thing because shock of all surprises--I'm now eligible for a pension! Whoopee!

Okay so now I want to retire and that's where the change talk comes in. I want to not work here anymore. That's not even an issue, it's a given. I've wanted to not work here anymore for the last five years. But one thing always led to another and I would stay a little longer. Now I can retire and of all things that thought makes me very nervous. What am I going to do? After all this time can we actually live on one income and that soon to be a retirement income? I'm not one to sit at home doing nothing so I need to plan something to look forward to. One thing I thought was going to work out for me and give me spending money isn't so I need to find something else. These are the things that are spooling through my thoughts these days.

Now here is the interesting rub about all of this. My job has gotten somewhat better. I enjoy it more days than not. I've always enjoyed working with students and tend to get to know some of them well each year. I dread not being able to see these students that I've watched grow and learn and move on as adults. Even though I am looking forward to my days at home I am also very sad about leaving these people that I've grown fond of.

Moving on is just a hard thing to do. It is a part of the rythm of my life. I assume it is for everyone else too. Some of the changes are wonderful and I look forward to them and great them eagerly but others are just very hard and have a lot of emotions attached. I suppose spending ten years in a place would naturally make that place hard to leave no matter how you feel about it on really bad days.

Thinking about this makes me think about Jesus coming here from paradise and living on earth as a human for 33 years. Don't you know he had to be eager to get back "home" as soon as possible, yet he had close friends that he loved here. That must have been a very bitter sweet time in his life and that's not even including the horrible way he had to die to accomplish his purposes here.

I've come to realize that with every change there comes a letting go and saying goodbye. I'm learning to do that better as I grow older; probably because I'm getting more and more practice at saying goodbye to things and people as I age. I've even learned to say goodbye to body parts before surgery and to the field that used to be behind our house as it now fills with very huge ugly houses (haven't quite let that one go yet). A very wise man once told me that in order to accept new things you must say goodbye to the old things. It's something I am making a conscious effort to do now. And I find that letting go is getting a little bit easier. In some ways, it's the letting go that makes the acceptance of something new that much sweeter.

I'm looking for a new something to look forward to as I say goodbye to people I've worked with and places where I have spent a lot of time. I look forward to being more available to help at church when the need arises and I'm thinking about looking into working some with organizations that help young pregnant girls make better decisions about their babies or homeless people find affordable housing and/or jobs. These are things that are close to my heart. I am thinking that perhaps these types of things will make saying goodbye to my job easier. If anyone out there has a suggestion, I'm open to new (or old) ideas.

posted by Dana @ 1:18 PM 0 comments

New Life -- Now and Later

My daughter and her two little girls came to visit for 12 days. They left on Tuesday morning. It was a wonderful, exciting time for us and for Kyra who is 3 1/2 years old. She was very excited to get to play in her little kitchen and read all the books her Nana has collected for her (and continues to collect even though they are so far away!). My daughter ran us half to death trying to see all her friends and the other side of her family while she was here. I remember doing the same things when we first moved to Indiana from Michigan 18 years ago. Sadly, friends went by the wayside as family became more important in our infrequent and short trips back. It's a hard truth it seems that comes with moving. It's the rare friendship that can survive a move. Maybe I am just jaded by frequent moves and lost friendships. It does seem to be a truth for me but, I digress...

Kyra now has a little sister named Siana who is three months old. She is precious and though she looks somewhat like her big sister, she looks more like her Daddy than Kyra does. She has darker hair and skin than Kyra who is very Scandinavian looking, and the jury is still out as to what color her eyes will be in the end. I'm guessing brown or hazel. I find it is absolutely amazing how even though this child has only been experiencing life outside for three months she already has this adorable and opinionated little personality. She lets you know when she is angry and when she is hurt. She laughs this deep little belly laugh and smiles huge toothless grins when she catches her mommy's eye. And she talks a blue streak. There is nothing like those sweet coos and sounds babies make as they learn language and how to make their voice work. She watches our mouths and works her little mouth and tongue in an effort to creat words. Her entire little body gets involved too. Her arms work and her legs kick and she twists and arches her back and suddenly this soft sound emits from her and she sighs and relaxes. It's amazing to watch.

I know we did the same things with Kyra when she was a newborn. I know we marveled and wondered at her every move and expression. The joy of new babies is that they remind us how wonderful God's world really is and what an amazing gift new life is. As a grandparent it also is such a joy to be able to stand back and watch my daughter learn and love and care for her own children. On one hand I can't even believe she's old enough to have two daughters of her own but on the other I feel very blessed to be able to watch her and enjoy her enjoying her children. She's a wonderful mother and she is married to a man who is a wonderful daddy.

As harsh as the world is and as frightening as it can be and actually is at this time in our history, it's such a blessing to be able to sit back and watch new life and new families going on with their lives just like people have since the beginning of time. It's what makes life worth living at all. That and that faith that Jesus will one day come back to take us all home where we will all be new lives and learning how to speak that new spirit language with our new mouths and voices.

How exciting is that!!!

posted by Dana @ 4:55 PM 0 comments