Earthen Vessels
I apologize to any hardy readers of this blog in advance for all of the health related posts that will most likely be seen on this site in the near future. As I said last time, I am looking forward to major surgery and unfortunately, I write about what's most pressing on my mind. Lucky you!
I titled this Earthen Vessels because of the fragility of life and at this point in my life, of modesty. All my childhood I was trained to be a modest person; no short shirts, no shorts, no two piece bathing suits, close the bathroom door, etc. When I entered junior high and had to take gym classes it turned me wrong side out when they forced us to take showers. I learned how to keep my clothes on even there. I still have nightmares about public showers and gym classes--very traumatic! The amazing thing about all of this training is once it's engrained in a young mind, the world spends the rest of that person's life beating it out. Take childbirth for instance. There is absolutely no privacy for anything in a hospital when in labor. There were people running in and out of my room all night long--strangers I might add--checking my progress, patting my leg and leaving me to continue my work. And then there was the actual delivery. I have no idea how many people were in that room yelling for me to push and waiting to catch the baby. I must say, that went a long way toward knocking out my sense of modesty! After childbirth comes the many years of child rearing. What is it about a closed bathroom door that sets off the alarm in a child's head? It never failed when I'd quietly close that door for a moment to myself both kids were immediately stationed outside knocking and wailing that the world was absolutely ending if I didn't come right now or let them in!
Now that I am a member of the "older" generation, modesty is just automatically assumed to be unneccesary. Take my doctor's office for example. First thing they say to you anymore is "undress." My question is what ever happened to those wonderful little (and I do mean little) cotton gowns that were open down the back but at least covered most of you? Now you're lucky to get a so called sheet to cover up with. It's more like a large square of toilet paper and covers just about as much.
In preparation for my surgery, my doctor is performing tests to determine the extent of said surgery. This particular test was supposed to be a run of the mill test and I was not to worry, the doctor said as he scheduled it a week ago for yesterday. Late last week, I got a call telling me what they wanted me to do before the test and in the conversation I discovered that they had never done this test with this particular machine before. Okay...but I was told to not worry, again. I was lucky because the technician would be doing the test since she was "showing them" how to do it. My ears immediately clamped down on the "them." Ha Ha Ha just the doctors and nurses and you know...
In the end, my test was done by my doctor with the technician standing over his shoulder, my doctor's nurse, another doctor from down the hall, and best of all the salesman of the machine they were testing. And you know what, I found myself to be quite at ease with a room full of strangers as I rested there in my large square of toilet paper.
I have to congratulate the medical community. They've done what my physical education teachers and kids were unable to do. I no longer have a need for modesty. This earthen vessel has lost it's newly cast sheen and gloss and shows many scuff marks and cracks and scrapes of years of use and abuse by it's owner and by life in general. I am quickly beginning to understand why it is that the workers in nursing homes have such a difficult time keeping the sweet little old people from stripping off their clothes and running around naked. When you are at last being totally cared for by medical personnel, what is the point in putting on clothing? They are probably hunting for that large square of toilet paper with which to cover up .
Spring At Last
I'm not feeling particularly introspective today so I decided to just throw out a few things. Bear with me. Hopefully it will actually turn into something worth reading on a sunny Monday.
I've been struggling with my health lately. On the one hand, it's depressing and discouraging and makes me feel my age, which I do not like at all. On the other hand, it has made me appreciate the fact that I have been very healthy for the last two years. This two year hiatus in poor health followed a very long drawn out period of time which included two surgeries (one serious) and a bout with extreme lower back pain. So on this hand, I am praising God for the two years of peace he has given me. Although this new issue includes dealing with more pain, for the most part, I feel good. This is another blessing for which I am praising God . This pain does not limit my ability to climb stairs or walk down the street which my back pain did. If you've never had a sudden loss of mobility in one leg or both, you will never understand the joy I feel to this day of climbing a set of stairs. I marvel at the way my leg functions the way it is supposed to function. I am thrilled to no end to be able to trust that when I place weight on that leg, it will hold me. There was a time when it wouldn't and I was not sure it ever would again. This is another blessing for which I am praising God. So in balancing the issue in both hands, I find that the other hand wins out and I can praise God for his overwhelming blessings which make that first hand easier to bear.
Last Friday night our care group got together with another care group to eat (of course) and play games. It was a wonderful night as we haven't been able to spend time with this group in a while. We were forced (just kidding Judy) into playing a game called the Ungame. Now if you haven't played this game, you really should give it a try. The idea is you draw five cards which cover five different aspects of life, from serious to silly. Complaining loudly all around, we began to play taking turns reading our card and then answering the questions. As much as we complained, everyone played in earnest answering truthfully and at times very deeply. One of the cards told the bearer to go to each person playing and say something encouraging to them. Whew! That card couldn't have been chosen by a better person. He got up from his chair, walked to each person and said something special and encouraging about everyone in the room. It was one of the most moving and encouraging things I've been involved with in months! Towards the end one of my cards made the statement that Jesus Christ died on the cross and rose again three days later. What does that mean to you? As Brandon Scott Thomas says--For the Love! I worried with that little card through the entire game. I still didn't have an answer when it came time for me to answer it. So I took a deep breath and slowly read it again and suddenly the words just came pouring out of my mouth. What it means to me is that I am saved. What that means to me is I don't have anything to be afraid of. What that means to me is that whether I am living here on this side or over on the other side, I am alive in Christ. Now I have to admit here that I have been quite fearful for the last week. I shared that fear with some close friends who will pray for me and who are encouraging me every chance they get. As I said these things, I looked into the eyes of one dear brother who is showering me with scripture and hugs and prayer through all of this. And you know, that fearfulness just died. I have been filled with a great and wonderful peace ever since that night. It was a wonderful way to remind me that Jesus has fought the battle against death and Satan for me. No matter whether I live or die, I live in him. For the first time, I think I am much closer to being able to say with Paul, "to live is Christ, to die is gain." Who would have ever thought a simple game of Ungame would be so encouraging? Judy, we gave you grief but I really am glad we played your game. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
The True Meaning of Submission to God
Several months ago we were visiting at the North Central Church where my son-in-law is the worship minister. I love worshipping with my daughter and granddaughter with Steven leading. He has such a passion for what he does and is very talented. I always know I will have a wonderful, worshipful experience when we are able to attend there.
On this particular day a young woman went forward to be baptised. Now for those of us who have been members of a Church of Christ all our lives, this isn't an unusual event. It's always a meaningful and touching event but not unusual. I settled back as a visitor to be a witness to this wonderful act of accepting her new life as a follower of Jesus. As I watched the young woman and the minister take their places in the water, I realized that things were not "as usual" this time. As the minister began to talk about her and with her he revealed that this woman was terrified of water but she believed it was important to submit to God in baptism so she had made up her mind to go through with this. He said a short prayer over her and then they stood as she visibly struggled with her fear and the waist-deep water in which she was standing. As the minutes ticked by everyone in that auditorium tensed along with her and leaned toward her in silent affirmation and encouragement. She would relax for a moment and then stiffen again as he started to lay her back in the water and start shivering again. It was absolutely painful to watch. And yet it was such a beautiful picture of how we all struggle with total submission to God in our lives. How many times have I prayed that prayer of giving my life to him completely only to stiffen and resist the moment he begins to take me at my word? It is often an absolute struggle to let go and trust and believe that God knows exactly where he is taking me and he is in control and wants what is best for me. As I watched this precious young woman struggle and fight with this, tears began running down my face and I tell you when she finally surrendered and let go to be pushed beneath that water, everyone in that building erupted into applause and cries of joy. Other than my own children, it was the most moving baptism I have ever witnessed. Thanks to this young woman's brave struggle, a priceless picture is now etched into my memory to remind me that when I let go of my fear and skepticism and surrender, God will be right there to accept my offering. When I am allowing him to lead me and use me as he desires, I can be sure I will hear the explosion of applause and cries of joy from heaven. The smile on my face at that moment will be as broad as the smile on the face of that dear sister as she came up out of that water and wrapped her arms around that minister's neck in gratitude and joy. I never got a chance to meet her but she made a strong impression on me that day. God bless her as she continues her walk of faith and submission.
