Wayfaring Stranger

Mending Fences

On Tuesday nights I am a participant in a Beth Moore study entitled Why Godly People Do Ungodly Things. I am one of those people who needs a Bible study that requires me to fill in blanks in order for me to have a focus. Beth Moore studies are one of my favorites. I am enjoying this one even more because we have the videos that go along with each week of homework. I have been to see Beth in person twice and it's just like watching her videos. She is one of the most personable speakers I've ever listened to. Better yet, she is not afraid to get straight to the heart of what is ailing you. She can bring me to tears and to my knees quicker than any preacher I've ever heard. Yet she is not accusing or condemning in any way.

That's why this is such a good study. She is talking about Godly people who have been spiritual and committed to their faith and suddenly find themselves looking up from the pit of sin. Her point is that this doesn't happen without warning. The problem is we don't usually see the warning flags because we either don't know what to look for or we think we've got everything under control.

I am hoping that somewhere in this study she talks about how to get yourself out of the pits when it comes and how to live after the fact. So far we have had to work through a lot of the emotions that come with difficult things in our lives. We've thought about times that we have been sabbatoged by Satan and how that felt. So far it hasn't been a feel good study but her studies usually aren't.

One of the things we are talking about is how to protect the fences around your heart and mind from Satan's attacks. She uses that temple and temple area as an example that proves that God thinks fences are a good thing because he used them to protect his people as they worshipped. She asks a lot of questions about our own personal fence and how often we check to make sure it is strong and safe. One of the ways to do that is to have an accountability partner.

The night we discussed this particular topic I was hit with this horrible sense of What did I do!!! regarding something that had happened earlier in the day. Now what I did wasn't a terrible thing to do and I didn't think anything of it. However, in that moment the Spirit convicted me and I went right home to tell my husband about the incident and make sure he knew all about what had happened. I realized that what had happened earlier that day had shown a weak spot in the fence around my heart. Believe me I do want very much to be aware of that weak spot and never again have that part of my fence collapse before Satan. So I told my husband--accountability partner number one. The next morning I confessed the same things and the reasons why I am concerned to my dear friend--accountability partner number two. Both were very good to listen, encourage and point me to how that can be a weak area as well as how to repair that part of my fence and their willingness to stand guard with me. For now I believe I have dodged that bullet.

This is only one example of the power of having an accountability partner or two or three. They make you confront yourself in hard ways that strip away the fake and reveal the true person. It's hard sometimes and scary and it makes you very humble to have to go to this person and confess what is on your heart. It makes you remember that you aren't in this by yourself and that you can't always handle everything and it isn't under control most of the time. I am so fortunate. I have a wonderful husband who I can talk to about anything. And I have two dear friends who know me for who I really am underneath the person I often pretend to be. Slowly but surely God is chipping away at the fake veneer to reveal me in wonderful ways. These people make this so much easier to deal with the discomfort and accept the results.

Today my fences are strong and sturdy. Tonight I will make that trip around my heart and mind with God and check for cracks or rot. It's a continuous effort but it's so worth it to have a strong fence and not be afraid of being overun by Satan's minions. I owe a great deal of thanks to my accountability partners. I also owe a great deal of thanks to Beth Moore! My life would probably be much different if I hadn't started working through her studies eight years ago. I know my life would be totally different if I hadn't found an accountability partner and learned to ask the hard questions and do the required heart work to build the fences I am now protecting.

If you don't have an accountabilty partner, I strongly encourage you to find one. It's scary and it can be difficult sometimes but it is so worth it. I also encourage you to be involved in intense Bible study on a regular basis. The two seem to go hand in hand in keeping our hearts whole and holy. This is a wonderful study but not one you can breeze through just filling in blanks. She makes you dig deep and bleed sometimes. Trust me, though, you'll come up feeling more free and safer than you have in a long time. Thanks Beth! As far as my accountability partners--you know who you are--Thank you for loving me so much that you won't let me stay in my messes.

posted by Dana @ 3:01 PM 0 comments

The Times They Are A-Changing!

Life has a way of quickly reminding you of how short it all is and what is really important after all. One minute you're doing your normal life stuff and the next, you're rushing to the bedside of your mom. Three weeks ago, we were called back to Michigan to be with my mother-in-law who was diagnosed with cancer. Four days later she was gone. While that sounds awfully fast, it was merciful and a blessing for a beautiful lady who has done more than her share of suffering for the last 17 years of her life. So this posting is in memory of the lovely lady who gave me my wonderful husband.

Grace Qualls was never happier than when she was in the kitchen cooking something for her four children, their spouses and children and her great grandchildren. She was the best cook on Champaign street and we all have our fond memories of the mustacholi (sorry, not sure how to spell that one!), stuffed cabbages or rice pudding. She made the best potato salad I have ever eaten. Needless to say we were never hungry or lacking for food. What we didn't eat, she packed up and sent home with us. She never cooked just enough, it was always way too much because she never wanted anyone to have to go without eating. She would cook up a huge pot full of chicken and rice soup and we would eat it then and for several days afterward. It was wonderful. If there was nothing else about her, we would miss her for her wonderful meals and the joy in her kitchen.

Grace was as generous with her wallet as she was with her food. She could see the pain in someone's eyes and was always ready to listen to the trials and tribulations of the people around her. If that person had any need of something, Grace was quick to help them get what they needed. She had a tender heart for people.

For the last six years or so, Grace has been pretty much limited to her home by her illnesses. Even before that her trips were short and local. Even so, she wasn't a lonely person. People sought her out and her home was always bustling with people and noise. The neighbors spent time with her and she was always there to listen to them and care for them in her special way. She was the hotline for the family. When someone couldn't reach one of the kids for one reason or another, we could always reach Grace and she knew where everyone was and when they would be back. She became the switchboard for everyone because we all knew she would be home. As a result she knew everything about everything. Now we don't know who we're going to call for our information.

While her death was a blessing to her, it leaves a us with a huge empty hole in our hearts and our lives. We did ask her questions and video tape her with her two sisters not long ago. It's a good thing we did. Now two of them have died within a month or so of each other but we do have the video and a lot of wonderful memories. Her two daughters will suffer a great deal because they were the most responsible for caring for their mother through her many illnesses. They were always there for Grace and called many times during the day. Picking up the phone will now leave a huge ache in their hearts. They will need prayers for comfort for quite a while. The two boys will also miss her and need prayer in the coming months as they think about calling and then realize once again their loss.

My heart aches as I think of the two tiny great granddaughters that will not get to know Grandma except through our stories and memories. The joy is that she lived a long loving life filled with grandchildren who do know her well and love her deeply.

Slowly the generation before me is leaving this earth. Only my mother remains of the parents on both sides. With each death my place in this life moves and changes. It won't be long before I am the elder generation and while at times that is a wonderful thought, the closer it gets the scarier it is. Dealing with my own mortality is becoming more than just a fleeting thought. I am so very grateful that I have a life that will go on for eternity and that I will one day just "move" into a different land and get to spend time with my dear mother-in-law and my sweet daddy talking about all the things they didn't get to experience before they left this earth.

Grace, I loved you and I will miss you so much! I'm thinking about going home and making some of your yummy potato salad!

posted by Dana @ 12:03 PM 1 comments